Helpless

You know what I hate?
Homophobia, racism and animal torture - but that's not what I'm going at here.

It's when I'm unintentionally - or intentionally? - cut off from the outside world. More precisely; when people fail to stay in touch with me.

I get paranoid very easily, living in Sweden, so far away from it all. This has never been where I want to be, this has never been where I belong. But I have to cope for the time being. So I do my best to interact with the other side, across oceans and skies. But every now and then, there's a pause in the interaction and I'm left alone in a sulky town in this end of the world.

I know that people can't prioritize me, and I've never asked for that. But I appreciate keeping contact. And I've always been a confirmation-whore, I'm the first one (and the only one) to say it.

I'm terrified to be forgotten, that's the truth. The greatest fear is being trapped and if I lose all my links I'm left disoriented. Because I know myself how hard it can be to connect with a person that you never see, and sporadic contact won't last forever. Most people have never even met me. How easy is it to grip a relation like that? You tell me.

The reason I bring this up now is because lately people have not kept their word. This is not about someone here in these blog-areas, I might mention. It's other people who promised certain things but decided to blow me off. It seems that everyone is just distancing themselves, without further notice. I'm just so sick of people ignoring me.

So for the love of the devil - don't forget about me! I hope you, all of you, will continue to interact with me, make my days brighter - it's because of you I stay hopeful and dreaming.

You've got me paralyzed

Early mornings result in falling asleep while standing.

I'm most of the time ridiculously bored, because I've grown accustomed to doing things - media, filming, radio, interviewing - and dealing with licenses and emailing managers and giving a sway approach and editing video promotion clips on demand and traveling on busses and planes to foreign countries and planning time, date and phone number-giving within 24 hours, and on top of it all serve as crew in my friends' film productions if needed.
So the weeks I don't have much of that, I tend to be restless.

Business is moving forward. Just two nights ago, Chucow Radio interviewed DJ Rossstar (phone interview, the longest distance call for both parts) and even if I prefer to interview people face to face, it went alright.
And we have more interview plans, with an American band, currently on tour.

So even if it seems like I have nothing to do these days, I have lots of things to keep me occupied. It's mostly about seeking the contact, which you can do anywhere, at any time.

To end things, I'm missing the comments on this blog. I'm pretty sure people still read it (you should know I still read your blog), but the comments have been left blank lately. For what it's worth, I appreciate them and could find myself slacking off on the blog phenomena if they continue to stay quiet. Not to threaten you or anything.

We are all MAD

"Planning for my big escape
Don't know where to yet
Thinking of Montreal..."

Yesterday I teamed up with my friends to be heads of motion media at the MAD-festival. Good friends of mine arranged the music festival, that lasted for about 8 hours. We had three cameras placed out; one on the balcony, one by the mixing table and one handheld (by me) between the barrier and the stage. Occasionally I crept backstage to film from behind, as I prefer to do when all areas are accessed. After the last and main act, we interviewed him (that would be the main act - I won't bother saying who, since you won't know anyways, he's Swedish) in his dressing room. He's a super nice guy. And the dressing room was very colorful.

I am really tired since yesterday. And I don't know how I'm gonna cope with the week waiting, as the first thing tomorrow is to get on a plane to Manchester. I got a total blackout earlier when I was deciding what clothes to bring - you think I should be used to this shit, when I've been out and about more than ever lately, but I still have my days of helplessness. And I'm getting tired of flying.

Other than that I'm planning for the next big thing, as always. The ideas never stop spinning in my head and I might as well make something out of it. Currently we're making plans and discussing ideas that will literally hit closer to home, as the home itself is a big part of the plan. If this works out I'll have stories to tell.