Your friend says you're lesbian...

Starring in my friend's project film. Playing a lesbian who kills herself in the end. My suicide scene was shot three weeks ago, today it was time for the forest.

Slippery stones by a mountain. Wet leaves inside my shirt. Hurt my knee while stepping our of the car, so now it's swollen to about twice its normal size. Sitting on wet boulders, leaving marks on my ass. Dragging 10 kilos of camera equipment around while trying to survive in mud.

On the upside I got to kiss a girl. Score.
Yes, I am also a girl myself. That's why it's so brilliant.

Took the train home. The city smelled of french fries. Got one song in my head all day: Waste my life for you by Street to Nowhere.
There are spray painted illustrations of Napoleon Dynamite all across town. Has been for a while. Since I'm vegan, my motion picture teacher (yes, the one who looks like a bulldog with Pamela Anderson's hair - and yes, it's a he) always states I'm a "militant vegan" and accuses me of the spray painting. I tell him; I wish.

Why I tend to update this blog so frequently, I do not know. Beats me. Maybe it's my undying hope of someone to comment that keeps me going. In case you didn't notice - that was a hint.

This is what I've been up to

This is what it looks like when we record our TV show, EAC TV. Stands for "En Annan Christian" - "Another Christian" (the boy name, not the religious people).




This episode was called "Morgonstund" and handled the subject of styles.



And what the hell are they saying? What fucked up language is that? Yeah, they speak Swedish so you don't understand shit. But I figure it can be quite entertaining either way. If you're into that stuff, like yours truly.

Damn you, Roy Orbison

Yesterday was a long day.
I spent all afternoon rigging up video cameras and adjusting the settings on said camcorders. I was officially filming a performance by a Roy Orbison-impersonator, with secret guest: "Johnny Cash" - a guy who used to star as "Olyckan" ("the Accident" or "Bad luck" in Swedish) in a children's show back in the seventies, at the concert hall. Today I am. Really. Fucking. Tired.

The whole afternoon came off strange, since the feeling of hanging out with our motion picture teacher crashed upon us. Not the female who now have a crush on the lovely louse (you know who you are) after seeing him pantless, but our other motion picture teacher.
Let me tell you a little about said teacher. He looks like a bulldog with Pamela Anderson's hair. No joke.

Anywhore, the evening resulted in about 10 mini-DV tapes and a lot of "I can't walk anymore my back is killing me"-issues. I'm a sissy, I know.

Like a complete unknown

How does it feel? Like a rolling stone.

I'm having problems again - not relationship problems, not physical problems, or even mental problems (which would have been the most probable outcome) - but the worst kind of problems: technology problems.

This worked the last time I did it, so I'm just gonna go ahead and ask the air and hope for someone with knowledge to answer: Does anyone know an uploading site that will take large files? I have files desperately waiting to be outed, but since they're about 600-700 MB I simply can't find anywhere to display them. I would easily convert them into smaller format, but then the quality will suffer. And that would suck.

Come on now. I've been too neglected for my own good lately. I'm a confirmation-whore, I admit that. It's common knowledge. I'm already worried that certain people have died, don't make me worry about you too.

It's me you're waiting for

Watched the street lamps slowly one by one come to life. I have never done that before, and I have lived here forever.

One year ago I had nothing. Sure, I had had the pleasure of having done an ass-kicking radio interview, but that was it. I didn't have a future within that.

The last months have been exciting ones, to say the least. Maybe I'm fucked up and abnormal just because I find what I'm going through "exciting", while others my age would most likely think it's hell and be depressed of the not-knowingness. But I can't help it, I think it's damn exciting. It's my life. Damn right it's exciting.

Now I feel like I have a future. And it's the kind of future that I want, that I know I must have.

It's amazing how you can literally feel your life coming together - the puzzle is slowly taking the form of an abstract image. Your life.

Who doesn't fall for the lovely louse?

Due to the showings of my latest and best work in the motion picture world, I now fear? state? proudly announce? that the audience of this viewing has helplessly fallen in deep admiration of the starring crows.
The audience, which consisted of one being only, seemed to attach greatly to one specific male - the lovely louse. I suppose it is of some importance to mention that the person who viewed the piece of art (with that meant my film, not the louse, even if he certainly is lovely) is of the female gender. "So it's actually a straight crush. Not that I condemn a gay or a straight crush, I don't care." Words of wisdom spoken by the lovely louse.

Back to my point. The audience of one complimented the louse's shoes, and stated that she liked the music the crows were making. This I take pleasure in knowing, and I will not get into the matter of age since I somewhat fear to step on already sore toes. Even though my greatest fear is these toes kicking my ass, which would have come next.

My conclusion: I've managed to create a sparkle that is not often seen within the walls of editing rooms. Without direct intention I offered an eye candy of its own sort. I'm quite proud of the fact.

Glossary to simplify for those who are less used to my doings (which would be about everyone but myself, even though there is a slight chance that the flaming artists who this is about might put two and two together and realize the sudden likeness of themselves and these descriptions; as I do use the ones they've uttered themselves in the past - and their stumble in here is not as surprising as it might seem as it has happened before... Where was I?):

The audience of one - my motion picture teacher
The crows - a quartet with very good smashing-TV-talents
The lovely louse - also known as the lead singer, the radio mascot, kiwi fruit, liquorice, and my personal favorite; Wet-ass


Who will be the next one to fall for the lovely louse? Me? No, I'm marrying Jamie. I will not be mezmerized by the lack of pants on this louse. I think I made that perfectly clear when I threatened him to life due to some insignificant bloodshed in the past. I am committed to my merch guy.

As unbelievable and strange this all might be, I assure you - all I have written is true, with people who can back me up on it. So don't frame me yet.
I would love the reactions on this. It's been too long since I've had any external mention. Let me know that you're alive.

The passion of art, the art of passion

There's just so much out there. So much waiting to be told.
So many tales, so many outcomes, so many beginnings. So many characters, so many situations, so many relationships. Emotions and feelings put into pictures. Facial expressions. Perfect statements. Shivering actions.
Broken hearts, homes and bodies. Blood, tears, laughter, dreams and goals. Love, hate, fear, happiness, disbelief, confusion, hopelessness. Misery, passion, hope, joy, anger.
So much unsaid, so much that is untold, just waiting to be put into script, and visualized, and accompanied by music.
Angles, point of views, close-ups, inside out. Into head, mind, soul. Thoughts. Delivering the ultimate emotion - content, sad, hopeful. Leaving the fingerprint of a lifetime.

When I'm done with you, you will have changed. Hopefully for the better, and hopefully for life.
All I know is that neither one of us will be the same.

Is it just me, or have...?

Yesterday I killed myself. Well, the character I was portraying did. I "star" in one of my friends' senior project work - I play a lesbian who kills herself. Safe to say that is my dream role, to which I can relate more than other possibilities. Yes, really.

I don't really have anything more worthwhile to tell. Just found out that I woke up one hour too early and now I suddenly don't have to rush anymore. There's always an upside to everything.

I wanna see the new Tim Burton movie.