What?

I dug out my old CD singles today. I remember going into the record store to look at singles. I never buy singles anymore, it's albums or nothing. And I guess that the fact that the local record store burned down is also a reason I'm not buying singles anymore.

I found Modern Talking's "Sexy Sexy Lover". I used to play it all the time, which is ridiculous. 10-year old me didn't know what "sexy sexy lover" meant. I guess... I liked the beat? Hell, who knows. It's a mystery to me, my way of thinking back then.

The reason I got my old singles out is because I had an S Club 7 craving. Yeah, I was a devoted fan of S Club 7. Although I wouldn't call myself a fan since I consider myself to have been braindead until the age of 14 when I started feeling things and started thinking independently. So I'm pretty sure I didn't quite know how to be a fan, not the way I'm a fan of things nowadays anyway. However, I remember dancing in front of the TV to the musicvideo, together with my "little sister" - a girl we've supported and cared for from time to time since she was 5. She and her mom actually came to visit a few days ago. The girl's 14 now. I'm pretty sure she now sees me as out of my mind. Anyways. That dancing thing sounds pretty much like something a fan would do, no? I still can't really bring myself to believe I was thinking clearly enough back then. As you can notice, I don't really have much faith in my old self.

What I've gotten out of this day is the enormous relief and gratitude that I've improved my music taste since then. Tacka Gud för det.

Teeth

I've quite recently realized that Queen's songs and lyrics fit my life perfectly. It's insane. When I listen to their songs I get all the answers. The words describe how I'm feeling, and what my life is like. They explain my troubles, fears, joys and thoughts and put them into lyrics sung with bombastic melody.

It's scary to get a life-realization like that. It is also scary to be told something by your mother about your past, something you've either never realized or just forgotten completely. I might make it sound like something horrible, it's not that big of a deal.
What I've always known is that they had to pull out one of my front teeth when I was a baby, because my mother had taken an extra painkiller or whatnot and therefore wrecked her unborn baby's chance of getting two healthy front teeth. I basically had no enamel on one of them, or more correct; the enamel decomposed gradually, and soon I had a tooth without enamel - you can just imagine how nice that must be. I don't remember this of course, I was too young, I don't remember being taken to the dentist, and what I know about my dad holding my head and feeling it creak while they pulled the tooth out is something I've been told afterwards.
And, of course, this would result in me having only one front tooth for about 6 years of my early life, before the milk teeth were replaced by proper teeth. This is an easy conclusion, naturally. But still I heard it for the first time when my mom told me today.

I don't know why, I must have overseen that obvious thing. It has just never struck me before. And all the pictures of me being 1-6 years old, you can clearly see the gap where the missing tooth should have been, but no - I never figured. Never thought about it. I remember when I lost my (clearly only) front milk tooth. Just never remembered that there was already an empty space next to it, that shouldn't have been there to begin with. I'm not even sure I was aware of it back then, I mean, I must have been - but I probably didn't realize that I was different from everyone else.

That's also the reason that I got front teeth pointing straight out with 5 mm distance between them, and was forced to have braces for 2 of my early teenage years. The proper front tooth that was coming out, had no hole to go through since it had healed long time ago. So the new tooth decided to take its own way - straight out, never minding the rules.

Anyway. This is like I said not a big deal. But it's nevertheless scary to hear something about yourself, that you weren't aware of. It makes you wonder. Since when do other people know more about you than you do?

Should I expect "hyper" as a result of abusing energy drinks?

To get a better grip of the process of my storywriting, and indulge completely into the screenplay-way of thought, I've concluded some necessary and unnecessary actions to maintain the creative and inspirational focus.

I've dyed my hair brown to resemble my female main character, and get into her thinking. (Wonders what a hair color can do.)

I'm taking thousands of photographs with my Olympus, for the same reason as above.

I've been doing researches in the Holy Bible. (Didn't see that one coming, did you.)

I'm even dusting off my acoustic to get a feel of the whole project. And I can't play for shit.

All for the sake of the art that is screenwriting.

On another note, I've intentionally started a new addiction to energy drinks. I don't get much caffeine normally since I don't drink coffee unless it's Starbucks and is enjoyed out of the country (the closest one is located at the airport in Denmark's capital city) - so we'll see how this will go.
I need something to abuse and take unhealthy amounts of. I stopped drinking a year ago and haven't taken a sip of any alcoholic beverage in six months. I feel it creeping in on me; shutting out a part of my life that consumed me for months that turned into something resembling more like years was a good decision, but likewise - I fall too easily for addictions and now it's time for the supermarket bill to shoot through the roof.

Face it

A lot has changed. A lot of shit has come down.

It's pretty safe to say that I've never stood in front of such a radical change before. Times are a-changing. From my calculations though, most changes are good. But we'll see how things turn out.

My screen is really dusty. I need to clean it.

Another year

It's my 19th birthday today.

Yesterday I watched a video of my baptism. I was exactly two months old. A story that never ceases to be told is how I puked in my godmother's pocket just before the ceremony.
When watching the video, I couldn't help but feel freaked out by the sect-like sense during the ceremony. It creeped me out a little, but I guess that's just how it's done.

I've come to be really glad that I'm in fact baptised, and that I went through with my confirmation in church when I was 14. I'm not religious; I don't believe in God - but I respect any religion to a great extent, not just Christianity, but any religion. I can definitely see the comfort in having something to believe in. Many times I wish I had that, but I just can't bring myself to it, in the religious sense. I'll do best with just the faith in myself.

Last year - the first half of the year, was the worst time I've ever gone through. The second half of the year was the best time of my life. It's funny how things can change so rapidly; in my case, it was just one occurrence that changed everything, made my whole life take a different turn and suddenly I was at better times and having thoughts I never could've imagined.
This year, the first half already gone, has been very good also. If this keeps up through-out the whole year, I can call 2008 my best. So far.