I've been having the feeling for a while now that I'm about to fail everything. That everything will crumble around me and I will be considered a failure in other people's eyes because I can't do anything right.
The thing is though that I don't care. I don't mind. If I'd fail everything, it would just be... unfortunate, you know? But it wouldn't kill me.
I've been through enough to be able to seperate small things from big things. Failing everything would be a big thing, sure. But I just can't bring myself to being worried, or feeling miserable. I've felt miserable enough for all the bloody small things in the past, things that now wouldn't even touch me in the back, but I guess my priorities were fucked up then. I won't feel bad about anything now. So failing is not such a big deal.
I don't seriously believe I'll fail everything. It's just how I feel, but I know it won't actually happen. Even if a part of me might wish that it would - it would kind of be an opportunity to start fresh - I'm pretty sure it won't happen. If it does, I'll let you know.
I'm just feeling weird. Everything smells and tastes weird. I don't really know where to go, because I don't know where I want to go.
Other aspects of my life are great right now. I'm having the greatest time getting to know lovely people. It has always been the most important thing to me.
So it's tiring. Feeling two opposite things at the same time. I think it's restlessness. As always, I'm just waiting for that big thing that will change my life.
17 November 2008
Boom!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
Make sure you don't wait around for too long though. You know, “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you always got.”
Hm. I should practise what I preach, too. But that's another discussion entirely.
You're absolutely right, Rose. I am a strong believer of making your own fortune, so I should get on it soon.
Man, I just wrote a great comment and when I went to publish it something went wrong. Long story short, failure is inevitable and the fact that you aren't afraid of that says a lot. Sometimes we have to fail in order to truly appreciate the good times. And don't worry about finding that big thing anytime soon. You are young and you have time to find it. Don't rush into something that you think will change your life. Sometimes we just have to go where life takes us.
I hate when computers fuck things up, happens to me all the time.
But thank you, April. You have some very good points there.
Couldn’t agree with you more, Louie. A little luck doesn't harm, of course. But it's not something you can count on. Though I also believe that these points in life come along when we can make decisions that can change our lives. You know, these situations that have the ability to nudge us into another direction, get us moving. We have to cease the opportunities, granted. But, yeah, there is an idea to wait around a while for the right time to do something, I do believe that as well.
Post a Comment