I am a total comic nerd

I just spent the evening reading 600 webcomic strips (one strip = one page). Now I have a headache and I can barely type on my keyboard. You have no idea how hard it was for me to type that sentence. And I have to get up early in the morning.

What am I doing with my LIFE.

You'll have to excuse me, I'm on a comic-high right now. Whoopee.

Get me a flight ticket, please

I haven't been out of the country in five months.

It's killing me.

Life?

I woke up this morning, thinking: "So this is when life starts".

I've realized that some of the things I desperately wanted for years, I do not want anymore. Things I've felt bad about not having, I do not care for them anymore. I do not wish to have them.

Now, left without that craving - what do I really want? I'm not sure. I don't care about certain things anymore. Things that used to be the only thing I had. The best thing I had. Now it might all be fading away, but that's not the worst part - if you would call it bad - no, the worst part is that I do not mind that they're slipping. It's just not that very appealing anymore, to have that.

I guess it's like falling out of love. It's just not something you need anymore.

But, fuck.

Then what is it I need? What is it I want?
I do not know anymore.

What?

I dug out my old CD singles today. I remember going into the record store to look at singles. I never buy singles anymore, it's albums or nothing. And I guess that the fact that the local record store burned down is also a reason I'm not buying singles anymore.

I found Modern Talking's "Sexy Sexy Lover". I used to play it all the time, which is ridiculous. 10-year old me didn't know what "sexy sexy lover" meant. I guess... I liked the beat? Hell, who knows. It's a mystery to me, my way of thinking back then.

The reason I got my old singles out is because I had an S Club 7 craving. Yeah, I was a devoted fan of S Club 7. Although I wouldn't call myself a fan since I consider myself to have been braindead until the age of 14 when I started feeling things and started thinking independently. So I'm pretty sure I didn't quite know how to be a fan, not the way I'm a fan of things nowadays anyway. However, I remember dancing in front of the TV to the musicvideo, together with my "little sister" - a girl we've supported and cared for from time to time since she was 5. She and her mom actually came to visit a few days ago. The girl's 14 now. I'm pretty sure she now sees me as out of my mind. Anyways. That dancing thing sounds pretty much like something a fan would do, no? I still can't really bring myself to believe I was thinking clearly enough back then. As you can notice, I don't really have much faith in my old self.

What I've gotten out of this day is the enormous relief and gratitude that I've improved my music taste since then. Tacka Gud för det.

Teeth

I've quite recently realized that Queen's songs and lyrics fit my life perfectly. It's insane. When I listen to their songs I get all the answers. The words describe how I'm feeling, and what my life is like. They explain my troubles, fears, joys and thoughts and put them into lyrics sung with bombastic melody.

It's scary to get a life-realization like that. It is also scary to be told something by your mother about your past, something you've either never realized or just forgotten completely. I might make it sound like something horrible, it's not that big of a deal.
What I've always known is that they had to pull out one of my front teeth when I was a baby, because my mother had taken an extra painkiller or whatnot and therefore wrecked her unborn baby's chance of getting two healthy front teeth. I basically had no enamel on one of them, or more correct; the enamel decomposed gradually, and soon I had a tooth without enamel - you can just imagine how nice that must be. I don't remember this of course, I was too young, I don't remember being taken to the dentist, and what I know about my dad holding my head and feeling it creak while they pulled the tooth out is something I've been told afterwards.
And, of course, this would result in me having only one front tooth for about 6 years of my early life, before the milk teeth were replaced by proper teeth. This is an easy conclusion, naturally. But still I heard it for the first time when my mom told me today.

I don't know why, I must have overseen that obvious thing. It has just never struck me before. And all the pictures of me being 1-6 years old, you can clearly see the gap where the missing tooth should have been, but no - I never figured. Never thought about it. I remember when I lost my (clearly only) front milk tooth. Just never remembered that there was already an empty space next to it, that shouldn't have been there to begin with. I'm not even sure I was aware of it back then, I mean, I must have been - but I probably didn't realize that I was different from everyone else.

That's also the reason that I got front teeth pointing straight out with 5 mm distance between them, and was forced to have braces for 2 of my early teenage years. The proper front tooth that was coming out, had no hole to go through since it had healed long time ago. So the new tooth decided to take its own way - straight out, never minding the rules.

Anyway. This is like I said not a big deal. But it's nevertheless scary to hear something about yourself, that you weren't aware of. It makes you wonder. Since when do other people know more about you than you do?